Worry.

Worry, anxiety & becoming overwhelmed easily are three things I struggle with daily. It has become more of a problem in the past year than ever before. There are days that even the smallest thing can send me into a full blown fit of anxiety, worry and I am overwhelmed by it in an instant. I am married to a man that is the most easy going person I have ever met. There are very few things that get his blood boiling and he can keep a calm and cool attitude in almost any situation. I admire these qualities about him and have always coveted them! I want to be like that. I want to be able to look a problem that seems so much bigger than me right in the face, be able to smile and say "I can do this." But alas, that is not me. God is teaching me though.

A lot of people make New Years Resolutions. I have never been big on making them but this year the Lord laid something on my heart. We were on a cruise the week before Christmas and I was reading my devotional book. The chapter I was on was called "Casting your cares." I got to the third page of the chapter and I came to a line that said "The truth is, when we wallow in worry and give in to our anxious fears, we are actually disobeying the instructions of the Bible." Um, whoa. My worry is a blatant disobedience to God's Word! That really put it into perspective for me. Right then and there I repented for my anxiousness & worrying. Come to find out though, it's a part of my flesh that I literally have to die to daily.

It was appropriate that we were on a cruise when I read another line that really knocked my socks off. "Sometimes we can feel as if we're drowning in the imaginary oceans we create with our persistent worrying." That line right there describes my daily worries and anxieties. There are some days that I literally feel like I am drowning in a sea of it all. Like I can't catch my breath for a moment before another wave of trouble crashes on top of me. So that's the moment that I closed the book and called out to God in prayer. And that would be the moment that he laid a goal on my heart for the new year that was fast approaching. I wanted to become a more patient person who doesn't worry and become overwhelmed at the drop of a hat. What I wasn't realizing is that all of this was a chain reaction. My impatience leads to worry, which leads to anxiety, which led to sometimes anger and when it's all said and done I almost always ended up feeling sadness and sometimes depressed. I would beat myself up for loosing my patience so easily and that was causing me to feel defeated constantly. Of course, this was an internal battle that only 3 other people knew about.

January 1, 2014 came and I made the choice to become more patient, anxiety & worry free from here on out. Sure there will be days that I fail, after all I am only human. But that's what's so beautiful about God's grace & forgiveness. He forgives and forgets it all, picks you back up to start right where you left off. The Lord gave me a few scriptures to recite daily and especially in those moments where I feel that I am on the brink of coming undone. 

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." 

Matthew 6:34

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

Instead of choosing worry, anxiety, impatience, anger or frustration I will choose faith. Faith in my God- who has never failed me- to bring me out of the place of darkness that I might be feeling. The way I choose faith is to give my cares over to God each day in prayer. 

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." 

Hebrews 11:6